You’ve worked hard to launch your engineering career. But in order to do your best work — and rise to the top – it’s time to develop your emotional intelligence. Although “emotional intelligence” (EQ) may sound touchy-feely, it’s actually a data driven set of competencies that are vital to both personal and professional success. Take a look at some of these numbers:
- 90% of “top performers” score high in emotional intelligence.
- 71% of surveyed employers prize emotional intelligence even more than IQ.
- High EQ correlates to financial benefits: emotionally intelligent professionals may earn as much as $29,000 more each year.
By strengthening your emotional intelligence, you can navigate your workplace challenges
more effectively, improve both your physical and mental health, and create a more
positive environment for you and your colleagues. Ready to get started? Let’s look
at why (and how) engineers should upskill their emotional intelligence.
Wait! What's Emotional Intelligence?
One of the most valued competencies in today’s workplace, emotional intelligence (EQ) distinguishes “the best leaders in the corporate world,” according to this New York Times article by psychologist and EQ expert Daniel Goleman. But what does it really mean?
Emotional intelligence can be defined as “the ability to accurately perceive your own and others’ emotions; to understand the signals that emotions send about relationships; and to manage your own and others’ emotions.”
You may think that EQ doesn’t factor into your engineering job. But in fact, in this Forbes article, the C.O.O. of Mitsubishi Heavy Industries Asia Pacific, says that his “main pointer” to young engineers is to foster their emotional intelligence, “a critical skill that will help engineering newcomers succeeded in both their careers and their personal lives.” The best engineers know how to combine their technical proficiencies with the “soft skills” that lead to:
- Better health
- Stronger relationships (both professional and personal)
- Enhanced job performance
- More effective decision-making
- Improved creativity
If you want to level up your career — or improve your quality of life — work on Goleman’s short list of key EQ competencies:
- Self-awareness
- Self-management
- Empathy
- Relationship skills
Let’s start from the top.
Self-Awareness
Understanding yourself is the first step to emotional intelligence. It has two parts:
realistic self-confidence and emotional insight.
Realistic Self-Confidence
Realistic self-confidence means “you understand your own strengths and limitations;
you operate from competence and know when to rely on someone else on the team,” according
to Goleman. Plus, when you know yourself better, you’ll have a solid grasp on your
values and goals: empowering you to make career choices that align with them.
Try This
Write down what you think are your:
- Strengths
- Weaknesses
- Interests
- Values
- Goals
Then get some outside perspectives. It turns out most of us think we are self-aware,
but only 10 to 15 percent of people actually are. That’s why 360° feedback is a gamechanger: compare your self-evaluation
with feedback from your boss, colleagues, and direct reports. Use constructive criticism as a chance to pursue one of the goals you’ve already identified. That way, you’ll be less likely to feel defensive and
more likely to make positive changes.
Emotional Insight
Emotional insight includes:
- understanding your emotions.
- what causes your emotions.
- how to manage emotions appropriately.
Try This
The next time a strong feeling comes over you, practice identifying it by name. Be as specific as possible. Instead of saying that you are “upset,” can you pinpoint whether you are confused, stressed, irritated, unmotivated, embarrassed? What do you think triggered this emotion?
You can also use tools such as this free How We Feel app, which helps you understand your feelings and how to regulate them.
Self-Management
In Goleman’s model, self-management has three parts: resilience, emotional balance, and self-motivation.
Resilience
Being resilient means you can adapt to difficult experiences. This is especially important for engineers, because problem-solving and engineering solutions is a big part of your job. Resilience empowers you to keep going. “As an engineer, what are you going to do when you fail multiple times trying to solve a problem?” says Russell Clayton, co-facilitator of USF’s Emotional Intelligence and Leadership for Engineers program. It may be tempting to give up by the 10th try — but what if the solution comes on the 11th try?
Try This
Use positive reframing. Instead of catastrophizing about your perceived failure, reframe
your thoughts. When you find yourself thinking, “This is the end of the world because
I messed up today,” remind yourself of the reality: you get another chance tomorrow,
Clayton suggests. Stress management techniques like mindfulness can also help you
have a more balanced response to setbacks. A benefit to mindfulness: Not only will
it help you regulate your anxiety, it may also help you come up with more creative
solutions to your problem. A study of 92 Stanford engineering students showed that a 15 minute meditation improved divergent thinking, leading to more original
ideas.
Emotional Balance
Also known as emotional regulation, this can be defined as “‘the thoughts’ and ‘actions’ we use to prevent, reduce, initiate, maintain or enhance emotions in order to promote well-being, build positive relationships, make sound decisions, and attain goals,” according to this 2020 webinar by Marc Brackett, director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. He lists seven strategies to improve your emotion regulation in difficult circumstances:
- Try physiological regulation (mindful breathing).
- Practice self-care.
- Develop healthy relationships.
- Manage your thoughts (e.g., positive self-talk: What would you tell a loved one in your situation?).
- Create healthy life routines.
- Do what brings you meaning and happiness.
- Forgive yourself when you fail.
Try This
The next time you feel overwhelmed by a problem at work, take yourself on a walk. “Our creative ideas come when we give ourselves freedom,” explains Brackett. Your
brain’s default mode network, which fosters creativity, “is not activated when we
are under a lot of pressure. It becomes activated when we are at ease.”
Self-Motivation
A hallmark of self-motivation in the workplace is that you’re driven by more than
your paycheck. You have the skills to overcome obstacles in pursuit of your goal.
Because you know how to motivate yourself, you can mentor and inspire others to succeed.
“Self-motivated leaders care more about hitting organizational milestones than monetary
awards,” explains this Harvard Business School blog. “They set goals, take initiative, rise to the challenge, and stay optimistic during
turbulent times.”
Try This
Make an effort to coach and empower others. This process will actually help you find
more motivation, as well. “Interestingly, giving advice rather than asking for it
may be an even more effective way to overcome motivational deficits, because it boosts
confidence and thereby spurs action,” according to this Harvard Business Review article on self-motivation. “In a recent study I found the people struggling to achieve a goal like finding
a job assumed that they needed tips from experts to succeed. In fact, they were better
served by offering their wisdom to other jobseekers, because when they did so, they
laid out concrete plans they could follow themselves.”
Empathy
Empathy is one of the most vital skills in leadership. If you cultivate empathy, you
will also help create a more diverse, inclusive work atmosphere, communicate more
effectively with colleagues, and expand your own perspectives. Plus, it will help
you deliver a more user-friendly solution, suggests Clayton. When you are problem-solving,
try not to only look for a solution through your own lens. Instead, “look at it through
empathy for the end user.” For example, if you’re a civil engineer solving a bridge
issue, put yourself “in the shoes of the people who are going to cross that bridge.”
Cognitive Empathy, Emotional Empathy and Empathetic Concern
Empathy comes in different forms. Cognitive empathy means you can deeply understand what someone else is experiencing and take their perspective. Emotional empathy means you actually share their feelings (whether grief over a job setback or Joy over that promotion). Empathetic concern means you care about the other person and have compassion for them and their circumstance.
A quick note on emotional empathy: don’t take on other people’s emotions at the expense
of your own well-being. When you feel overburdened by someone else’s emotions, take
a step back: “your goal isn’t to be the sufferer, but to be the caregiver,” explains
the American Psychological Association. That’s where “cognitive empathy” comes in.
Try This
Encourage empathy in others. In meetings, “recognize the people on your team whenever
they help others achieve their goals,” suggests Jamil Zaki, director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Laboratory. This can lead to “kindness contagion,” spreading more empathetic behavior throughout
your organization.
Listening
Although listening is a key part of empathy according to Goleman, we are going to
address it more in the next section.
Relationship Skills
“Emotional intelligence is the foundation of relationship building,” explains Clayton.
Let’s take a look at how you can develop your relationship skills even further.
Communication
Good communicators know how to set expectations and boost motivation. But remember
that being a good communicator isn’t the same as being a good public speaker. In fact,
according to this Washington Post article, many executives focus on being better speakers, when they really need to become
more active listeners.
Try This
Give your full attention to your conversation partner, and don’t try to formulate
your answer until they are done talking. If you are worried that you won’t know what
to say, remember that it’s okay to tell them, “Thank you so much for sharing. You’ve
given me a lot to think about. Can I get back to about this in an hour?”
Be a Good Team Player
Social skills empower you to be a good team player or manager. You’ll understand how
to motivate colleagues; how to build your network; how to make others feel safe and
supported working with you; how to be effective in “leading change” and how to resolve conflict. In addition, you’ll gain some of the EQ skills needed
to create an inclusive workplace.
Try This
Take stock of your colleagues’ emotions before you approach them with a difficult
subject. For example, if you have to tell them that the code they wrote doesn’t work,
it’s probably not the best time to do it if “they’re talking about how rough of a
morning it was because their four-year-old threw a temper tantrum,” says Clayton.
Knowing how to read other people’s feelings can help them have a more positive response
to you, leading to a healthier relationship and work environment.
Take the Next Step
Developing EQ takes work, but it pays off. “Although IQ and cognitive skills such as big-picture thinking, long-term vision and analytical ability are necessary, they are not sufficient,” says Goleman. “It’s the EQ that is the sine qua non of leadership.”
Are you ready to pursue a leadership role in engineering and upskill your EQ? Consider USF’s Emotional Intelligence and Leadership for Engineers program. This convenient online workshop will foster your resiliency, innovation, empathy, and leadership skills - leading to better outcomes for your engineering solutions, your workplace culture, and your career.